Have you ever ended a relationship and found yourself feeling... relief? Or maybe you expected to feel devastated but instead you just feel numb? If you're nodding then you're not alone. As a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire, I've noticed there's a whole side to breakups that nobody really talks about.
We see the Instagram posts about healing journeys. We hear about the dramatic crying sessions with friends but what about the messier, more confusing bits that don't fit neatly into a social media caption?
Like the strange moment when you realise you miss the routine more than you miss the person. You find yourself making dinner for two out of habit or reaching for your phone to text them about something mundane. It's not that you want them back, exactly. You just miss the familiarity of having someone there.
Or what about that uncomfortable freedom? Suddenly you can do whatever you want, but instead of feeling liberated, you feel a bit lost. Who are you without this relationship? What do you actually enjoy doing? It's like you've been handed back your independence but forgotten how to use it.
Then there's the guilt. Maybe you feel relieved the relationship is over but you think you should be sadder. Or perhaps you're the one who ended it and so you feel you don't have the right to grieve. All these feelings are completely normal.
The non-linear healing is something else nobody warns you about. You'll have a brilliant week where you feel like you've cracked it and then suddenly you're crying in the cereal aisle because you've spotted their favourite brand. Healing isn't a straight line from sad to fine. It's more like a wobbly path with unexpected detours.
And the self-doubt? That voice that whispers "what if you've made a terrible mistake?" at 3am? That's normal too. So is wondering if you'll ever find someone else or worrying that you'll regret this decision forever.
The truth is, breakups are messy. They're complicated. They bring up feelings you didn't expect in ways you can't predict. You might feel relieved one moment, devastated the next, then oddly fine an hour later. All of this is part of the process.
If you're struggling with the aftermath of a breakup or finding these complicated emotions overwhelming, remember that support is available. At Imogen Ellis-Jones Counselling I provide a safe space to process all these messy, confusing feelings without judgment.
Sometimes the bit nobody talks about is exactly the bit you need help navigating. Let's work through it together.