When did you last catch your partner's eye across a crowded room and feel that little flutter? Or fire off a cheeky text that made them grin like a teenager? If you're scratching your head trying to remember, you're not alone. Flirting - that delicious dance of playful banter and stolen glances - has a sneaky habit of vanishing from long-term relationships faster than chocolate biscuits at teatime.

As a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire, I've witnessed countless couples who have lost that spark, that sizzle, that indefinable something that once crackled between them. But here's the thing: flirting isn't just some frivolous garnish on the relationship cake. It's actually one of the key ingredients for keeping love alive.

Think back to when you first met your partner. Remember how you'd pore over every text message? How you'd notice everything like the way they stirred their coffee, their laugh lines, that endearing habit of humming whilst washing up. You were essentially a professional flirt! But somewhere between mortgage applications and whose turn it is to empty the dishwasher, that playful energy got buried under the weight of real life.

Here's what happens: we get comfortable. We stop trying to impress and start just... being. Which is lovely, don't get me wrong. But comfort can be a double-edged sword. It's like switching from your best outfit to your rattiest pyjamas - cosy, yes, but it’s hardly going to set your pulses racing.

Flirting in long-term relationships isn't about grand gestures or dramatics. It's about sprinkling little moments of magic into the mundane. It's texting "Looking gorgeous this morning" instead of "Don't forget the bins." It's playful cuddles whilst they're loading the washing machine. It's catching their eye during dinner and giving them that look, you know the one.

But let's be honest. Bringing flirting back can feel as awkward. You might worry about looking silly or feel rusty at this whole romance malarkey. "What if they think I've lost the plot?" you wonder. Here's the beautiful truth: your partner fell in love with your particular brand of silliness. They probably miss a bit of that old sparkle.

Start small. Compliment their bedhead instead of just handing them coffee. Leave a silly note in their lunch. Wink at them over the breakfast table like you're sharing state secrets. Text them a random "thinking of you" message on a Tuesday afternoon. These tiny gestures are like relationship vitamins - individually small, but cumulatively transformative.

The magic of flirting lies in its ability to make your partner feel seen, desired, and chosen. It's a gentle reminder that despite everything, the bills, the stress, the way they leave towels on the bathroom floor, you still fancy them rotten. In a world that often feels heavy, flirting is your relationship's way of being delightfully, unapologetically light.

If you're struggling to rediscover that playful connection or finding it tricky to navigate intimacy in your long-term relationship, remember that every couple goes through seasons. Some are winter-bare, others spring-fresh. The key is tending to your relationship garden with the same care you'd give a prize orchid.

Ready to dust off your flirting skills and add some sparkle back to your relationship? At Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling, I help couples rediscover the joy and playfulness that might have got lost along the way. After all, your relationship deserves to feel as delicious as it did in those butterflies-in-stomach early days. Let's work together to bring back that beautiful, silly, wonderful spark.