You get the promotion but immediately wonder how long before people realise you don't deserve it. You receive a compliment and find yourself waiting for the "but." You look around at other people's lives and feel quietly convinced that everyone else has something you're missing.

If any of that sounds familiar then you are not alone. And no, it doesn't mean something is fundamentally wrong with you.

As a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire, I work with a lot of people who carry this feeling. It shows up differently for everyone. For some it's about work, for others it's relationships, parenting, appearance. But underneath it the same thought tends to be running: I'm not quite good enough.

So where does it come from?

More often than not it starts early. The messages we receive as children, not always spoken out loud, shape how we see ourselves as adults. Maybe you were praised only when you achieved something. Maybe you grew up in an environment where love felt conditional or where criticism was more common than encouragement. Over time those experiences become a kind of internal script. And that script can run for years, quietly undermining you, without your realising it's there.

The tricky part is that no amount of external success tends to fix it. You can keep achieving, keep proving yourself, keep trying to earn your place and still that voice pipes up. Because the script isn't really about what you've done. It's about what you believe you are.

That's important because it means the answer isn't to do more or be more. It's to start looking at where that belief came from and whether it's actually true.

That's not a quick process and it's not always comfortable but it is possible. With the right support people do learn to quieten that voice. They start to recognise it for what it is, an old story not a fact, and they begin to build a kinder, more honest relationship with themselves.

You don't have to keep living from a script that was written for you by someone else or by circumstances you had no control over.

If you recognise yourself in any of this and would like some support, I'd love to hear from you. At Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling this is exactly the kind of work we do together.