Have you ever looked back at a time when you felt completely comfortable in your own skin and wondered where that person went? Maybe it was before a difficult relationship, after having children or somewhere along the way through the general business of life. If your sexual confidence feels like something you've quietly lost touch with you're far from alone.

As a counsellor, in Surrey and Hampshire, I work with many people who feel disconnected from their sexuality. It's one of those things people rarely talk about openly, which can make it feel even more isolating. But losing your sexual confidence isn't a permanent state. It's something that can be gently, gradually rebuilt.

Sexual confidence isn't really about performance or appearance despite what we're often led to believe. At its heart, it's about feeling comfortable with who you are, knowing what you want and feeling safe enough to express it. When that sense of safety gets knocked, whether through a painful relationship, body image struggles, stress, or simply years of putting everyone else's needs first, it's natural for confidence to take a hit.

So where do you start?

It begins with being kind to yourself. Many of us carry a quiet, critical voice that picks apart how we look or how we perform. Learning to challenge that voice, rather than listen to it, is one of the most powerful things you can do. Your body deserves compassion, not criticism.

It also helps to reconnect with yourself outside of any relationship. This might mean spending time doing things that make you feel good in your body whether that's dancing, swimming or simply taking a long bath without rushing. Pleasure doesn't have to be about a partner. Rediscovering what feels good to you, on your own terms, is a really important first step.

If you're in a relationship honest communication plays a huge role too. It can feel vulnerable to express what you need but sharing those feelings with a partner who is willing to listen can open up a whole new level of connection and trust.

And if your loss of confidence feels rooted in something deeper, perhaps past trauma, anxiety, or negative experiences in previous relationships, working with a counsellor can make a real difference.

You deserve to feel confident, comfortable and connected to your own sexuality. It's not a luxury, it's part of your overall wellbeing.

If this resonates with you, I'd love to support you. Reach out to Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling and let's start that conversation together.