Have you ever found yourself reaching for the light switch the moment things start getting intimate with your partner? Or perhaps you've noticed yourself making excuses to avoid physical closeness because you're worried about how your body looks? If this sounds familiar, you're not alone.

As a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire, I've supported many people who struggle with body confidence in their relationships. It's one of those topics that doesn't get talked about enough and yet it affects so many of us. The truth is, when we feel uncomfortable in our own skin, it can create real barriers to intimacy and connection.

Body insecurity doesn't just affect how we feel about ourselves, it seeps into our relationships too. You might find yourself only wanting intimacy in complete darkness, avoiding certain positions or feeling so self-conscious that you can't actually be present in the moment. Instead of enjoying closeness with your partner, you're stuck in your head worrying about how you look from every angle.

What makes this particularly challenging is that avoidance actually reinforces those negative beliefs. The more we hide, the more powerful our insecurities become. We create distance when what we really crave is connection. And our partners? They're often left feeling confused, rejected or wondering what they've done wrong.

Here's something I want you to remember: your partner isn't analysing your body the way you think they are. They're not cataloguing perceived flaws or comparing you to anyone else. They chose you. They want to be close to you. When you are intimate, they are focused on connection, pleasure and being with you, not critiquing your appearance.

So how do you start breaking free from this cycle? Begin by having an honest conversation with your partner about how you're feeling. You might be surprised at how understanding and supportive they are. During intimate moments, try to focus on physical sensations rather than how you think you look. Practice speaking kindly to yourself the way you would to a friend.

Remember, intimacy is about vulnerability and connection and not perfection. Your body is the vehicle that allows you to experience pleasure, closeness and love. It deserves appreciation, not criticism.

If body confidence issues are affecting your relationship, and you're finding it difficult to work through alone, know that support is available. At Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling, I provide a safe, confidential and compassionate space to explore these feelings and rebuild your confidence.

You deserve to feel comfortable in your own skin and connected to your partner. Let's work together to help you get there.