Have you just discovered your partner has been unfaithful? If you're reading this with a racing heart and a mind full of questions, know that you're not the first. Discovering infidelity is one of the most devastating experiences in a relationship and right now you may be feeling as though your world has been turned upside down.

As a counsellor/psychotherapist, in Surrey and Hampshire, I've worked with many people in the aftermath of discovering their partner's betrayal. The emotions are overwhelming: anger, hurt, confusion and, perhaps most difficult of all, uncertainty about what happens next. Should you leave? Can you forgive? How do you even begin to make sense of it all?

Firstly, take a breath. There's no rush to make any permanent decisions right now. Your emotions are valid and it's completely normal to feel as though you're on an emotional rollercoaster. Some days you might feel angry, others devastated and sometimes both within the same hour.

The immediate aftermath isn't the time for life-changing decisions. Instead, focus on taking care of yourself. Reach out to trusted friends or family for support. Consider taking some time away if you need space to process. Your emotional wellbeing needs to be your priority right now.

When you're ready ask yourself some honest questions. Was this a one-time mistake or a pattern of behaviour? Has your partner shown genuine remorse and taken responsibility? Are they willing to be completely transparent going forward? Will they have the patience to listen to every question you need an answer to? Most importantly, what do you need to feel safe and valued in this relationship?

Remember, forgiveness doesn't mean instant trust and choosing to work on your relationship doesn't make you weak. Similarly deciding to leave doesn't make you unforgiving. This is your choice, and whatever you decide needs to feel right for you.

Some couples do successfully rebuild after infidelity but it requires commitment from both partners. Your partner needs to understand the depth of harm they've caused and be willing to do the hard work of rebuilding trust and repair. You need to be willing to work through the difficult emotions and slowly rebuild intimacy. If you decide to stay together, you may decide to build a ‘new’ relationship, discussing how you would both like your future to look, leaving out the bits of the old relationship that didn’t work.

However, if your partner minimises what happened, blames you or shows no genuine remorse then that tells you something important about their character and your future together.

Whatever you decide, know that healing is possible. Whether you choose to rebuild your relationship or start afresh on your own, you can move forward from this.

If you're struggling to navigate this difficult time, professional support can provide clarity and guidance. At Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling, I offer a safe, non-judgmental space to process your emotions and explore your options.

You deserve a relationship built on trust and respect. Whatever you choose next make sure it honours that truth.