Have you ever been on a date and felt something wasn't quite right, but couldn't put your finger on what? That little voice in your head saying "hmm, that's a bit odd"? As a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire, I've heard countless stories that started with ignored red flags.

Dating can feel like navigating a minefield sometimes. You're trying to put your best foot forward whilst figuring out if this person is genuinely lovely or just good at pretending. So, let's talk about those warning signs that are worth paying attention to.

They Don't Listen to "No"

This one's huge. Whether it's pushing for another drink when you've said you're done, insisting on paying when you want to split the bill, or pressuring you for physical intimacy - someone who can't respect a simple "no" is showing you exactly who they are. Believe them.

Love Bombing Then Vanishing

One minute they're texting you constantly, showering you with compliments and talking about your future together. The next? Radio silence. This hot-and-cold behaviour isn't mysterious or romantic, it's manipulative. Healthy interest feels steady, not like an emotional rollercoaster.

Everything's Always Someone Else's Fault

Their ex was "crazy." Their boss is "unreasonable." The waiter was "useless." Notice a pattern? Someone who never takes responsibility for anything will eventually blame you too. We all have bad days, but constant victim mentality? That's concerning.

They Criticise Your People

Initially, it might seem sweet that they want all your attention. But comments like "your friends seem a bit shallow" or "your mum's quite interfering, isn't she?" are actually attempts to isolate you. A healthy partner will celebrate your relationships, not undermine them.

They Can't Handle Disagreement

You mention you prefer tea to coffee and they sulk for hours. You have different political views and they start shouting. Someone who can't cope with basic differences of opinion will struggle with the compromises that real relationships require.

Here's the thing about red flags: they're not suggestions, they're warnings. Your gut instinct exists for a reason, and it's usually trying to protect you from something your logical mind hasn't quite caught up with yet.

I know it's tempting to make excuses. Maybe they're having a bad day or they're nervous or they'll change but early dating behaviour is generally people on their best behaviour. If this is their best, what does their worst look like?

If you're finding yourself making excuses for someone's behaviour or feeling confused about what's normal in dating, remember that support is available. At Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling, we can explore healthy relationship patterns and help you trust your instincts.

You deserve someone who respects you from day one. Don't settle for anything less.