Have you ever found yourself waiting for your partner to pop to the loo so you can quickly scroll through their messages? Or perhaps you've caught yourself asking "innocent" questions about who they've been texting? If you're nodding your head right now, you're not alone.

As a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire, I've seen how the urge to check your partner's phone can become compulsive behaviour. It's like having an itch you simply can't scratch, except scratching it often makes things worse.

When we're checking our partner's phone, we're usually looking for reassurance. We want to feel secure and valued. But even when we find nothing suspicious, that relief is often short-lived. Before long, we're back to feeling anxious and wanting to check again.

This behaviour often stems from deeper trust issues. Maybe you've been hurt before, or something has happened in your current relationship that's shaken your confidence. Sometimes it's anxiety, low self-esteem, or past experiences driving these feelings.

The irony is that constantly checking your partner's phone can actually damage the very thing you're trying to protect - your relationship. It creates an atmosphere of suspicion and can make your partner feel under surveillance rather than in a loving partnership.

So, how do you break this cycle? First, try to understand what's driving your need to check. Are you feeling insecure about something specific? Has your partner's behaviour changed recently? Or is this about your own anxiety?

Next, consider having an honest conversation with your partner about how you're feeling. This doesn't mean accusing them - it's about sharing your vulnerabilities. You might say, "I've been feeling quite insecure lately, and I realise I've been wanting to check your phone. I know this isn't healthy, and I'd like to work on building more trust between us."

Building trust takes time, patience, and consistent care from both people. It might involve agreeing on phone boundaries or finding other ways to reassure each other.

Remember, trust isn't about having access to everything your partner does - it's about believing in their commitment to your relationship even when you can't see what they're doing.

If you're finding it difficult to stop checking your partner's phone or if trust issues are affecting your relationship, know that help is available. Working with a professional can help you understand and address the root causes.

Ready to build a stronger foundation of trust in your relationship? Reach out to Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling. Together, we can explore what's driving these behaviours and develop healthier ways to feel secure in your partnership. After all, the strongest relationships are built on trust, not surveillance.