As parents we always do the best we can with our children but nonetheless we can’t help but pass on certain traits that can prove to be problematic when it comes to relationships with others - both romantic and platonic. There is a popular phrase parents like to use: “Do as I say, not as I do.” Having worked as a relationship counsellor in Farnham and online for many years, I know that this is particularly relevant for relationships. The example we set with our partner is not always perfect and, if we aren’t mindful of this fact, certain behaviours will inevitably be passed down and reproduced in the relationships our children have going forward.
In this blog post, therefore, we will explore three lessons to give your children on the subject of relationships.
The Art of Listening
When we are feeling emotional in the heat of the moment, we don’t listen to what the other person is really saying. Often we only care about getting across what we wish to say without giving regard to anything else. This tends to go both ways and, no doubt, you will have done it from time to time. It is a normal consequence of stress and not being in the present moment.
What your children should know, then, is that not listening to our partner means that we put up walls causing us to grow more distant from each other. Doing this over a prolonged period of time can have an irreversibly negative effect on the dynamic.
Be Honest
Another common way of putting up walls with our partner is through not saying how we really feel. By not speaking out we make ourselves less available. We become impossible to reach and that is the last thing we would want to do in a relationship with anyone. Holding in one’s emotions is a common inherited trait stemming from childhood trauma and can be difficult to overcome.
What anyone should know though, with both adults and teenagers alike, is that saying what one really feels is always better than keeping it in - even if what you say may be painful for the other person to hear.
Understand Consent
Talking about sex with your children is never an easy thing to do but multiple discussions around consent - not just the one ‘sex talk’ - are so important especially in this modern environment of social media and the preponderance of soliciting explicit images and/or videos from people online and distributing to others. Teenagers should know that basic consent is not enough; enthusiastic participation is what one should always expect from sex. Anything less is not enough.
Are you parents who are worrying about how best to communicate with their children about relationships? If so, my relationship counselling in Farnham and online is there for you to explore any difficulties you might be facing. Please get in touch with me to find out more.