Have you ever found yourself saying "yes" when you really wanted to say "no"? Or felt overwhelmed, exhausted, and maybe even a bit resentful towards the people you love most? If this sounds familiar, you might be struggling with setting healthy boundaries in your relationships.

As a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire, I've seen how challenging it can be to establish boundaries with the people we care about. It's like walking a tightrope - we want to be there for our loved ones, but we also need to take care of ourselves.

But what exactly are boundaries? Think of them as invisible lines that define where you end and others begin. They're not walls to keep people out, but rather guidelines that help everyone understand what's okay and what isn't. It's like having a fence around your garden - it shows where your space begins and ends, but still has a gate for letting people in when appropriate.

Setting boundaries isn't about being mean or selfish. In fact, it's quite the opposite. When we set healthy boundaries, we're actually creating stronger, more authentic relationships. It's like giving your relationship a strong foundation to build upon.

You might need better boundaries if you're constantly feeling drained, saying yes to things you don't want to do, or finding yourself resentful of the people around you. Maybe you're the person everyone calls when they need help, but you struggle to ask for support yourself.

Starting to set boundaries can feel scary. You might worry about hurting people's feelings or facing conflict. But here's the thing: healthy boundaries actually lead to healthier relationships. When we're clear about our needs and limits, we show up as better partners, friends, and family members.

Begin by starting small. Maybe it's saying "I need to think about it" instead of immediately saying yes. Or letting your partner know you need some alone time to recharge. Use "I" statements to express your needs clearly and kindly: "I feel overwhelmed when..." or "I need..."
Remember, setting boundaries is a skill that takes practice. There might be some initial pushback from people who are used to you always being available. That's okay - it's part of the process. Stay gentle but firm, like a tree that bends in the wind but doesn't break.

If you're finding it challenging to set and maintain healthy boundaries in your relationships, know that you're not alone. Many of us struggle with this, especially if we weren't taught how to do it growing up.

Ready to start creating healthier boundaries in your relationships? Reach out to me at Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling. Together, we can work on building the skills you need to create strong, respectful relationships while taking care of yourself. After all, the best gift you can give your relationships is a healthy, whole you.