Have you ever wondered why you react the way you do in relationships? Why some people seem to effortlessly navigate romantic partnerships while others struggle? The answer might lie in something called attachment styles.

As a counsellor in Surrey and Hampshire, I've seen how our early attachments can play a huge role in our adult relationships. It's as though we are all carrying around an invisible blueprint, shaped by our childhood experiences, that influences how we connect with others.

So what exactly are attachment styles? Well, they're patterns of behaviour in relationships that we develop, based on our earliest bonds, usually with our parents or primary caregivers. These styles tend to stick with us into adulthood influencing how we relate to romantic partners, friends and even colleagues.

There are four main attachment styles: secure, anxious, avoidant and disorganised. Let's break them down a bit:

Secure attachment is like hitting the relationship jackpot. These lucky folks generally feel comfortable with intimacy and independence. They're the ones who can have a tiff with their partner and not worry it's the end of the world.

Anxious attachment is a bit like being on an emotional rollercoaster. If you have this style you might find yourself constantly worrying about your relationship, seeking reassurance and feeling insecure.

Avoidant attachment is like having an "keep out" sign on your heart. People with this style often struggle with intimacy and may push partners away when they get too close.

Disorganised attachment is a mix of anxious and avoidant styles. It's like wanting closeness but being terrified of it at the same time. It can be a confusing and difficult style to navigate.

Now, you might be thinking, "Well, that's just great. I'm doomed to repeat my childhood patterns forever." But here's the good news: attachment styles are not set in stone. With awareness and effort we can shift towards a more secure attachment style.

Understanding your attachment style can be like finding a key to unlock healthier relationships. It can help you make sense of your behaviour patterns, communicate better with your partner and work towards building more fulfilling connections.

If you're struggling in your relationships and suspect your attachment style might be playing a role then you are not alone. Many of us grapple with these issues but there's hope and help available.

As a counsellor, I work with individuals and couples to explore their attachment styles and develop strategies for healthier relationships. It's amazing to see the positive changes that can happen when people understand and start to shift their attachment patterns.

Ready to explore your own attachment style and how it might be influencing your relationships? Reach out to me at Imogen Ellis Jones Counselling. Together, we can work on understanding your relationship patterns and developing more secure, satisfying connections. After all, we all deserve to feel secure and valued in our relationships. Let's start that journey together!